undeserving?

Chapter 16

The fast and furious breeze slapped his doped face as he lay on the roof of the car. He was tied down to it, but strangely he liked it. Gyan was the designated driver as usual, and they had partied enough to last a life time… Ruhaan was weeping and laughing as though he was hysterical. The guy was probably stoned. And where was that pretty chick who had followed them into the car? He had tried to get rid of her in the party itself but she had tagged along… she had been whispering something into his ears about some exams… what exams? Did they know each other? He didn’t think so… suddenly, the car rocked to a halt, and he looked up to see they were in quicksand and the car was sunk to its wheels… oh God…. The car would soon drop entirely and he was tied and couldn’t make a move.

Where on earth were Gyan and Ruhaan? What were they doing? Suddenly he heard the murmurs creaking through the night and lifted his head. In the brightness of his headlight, he saw Gyaan and Ruhaan… yes, they were his friends. He recognized the cowboy pants that Gyan always wore and gifted that T-shirt that Ruhaan wore that night… it was an original Louis Vuitton. The guy was brand crazy… wait, why was he only seeing their bodies? As they approached the car, he almost had a stroke. They were just bodies… without heads. He tried to scream but it lodged in his throat… And his phone rang… what the Fuck? Riiiiinnnnnng…..

KB gasped as he jerked up awake, his shirt wet with sweat sticking to his body despite the full blast of AC. He was panting as the tentacles of the nightmare began to release him. He had this one after a long time. He often had visions like whenever he got behind the wheel at night, he would feel he was crashing into a wall and would begin to palpitate. So he now had a driver. He barely drove around without panic setting in… he had almost given up driving. His therapist had told him to face the fears and rationalize them, but it was easier said than done. Every time the scenes of the accident a decade ago came to haunt him… they were triggered by anything eventful in his lousy life.

He knew what triggered the nightmare this time. He got out of the cot and walked to the living room. It was 2 AM, and he knew sleep would only be playing hide and seek with him. Gulping a glass of chilled water, he sat in the dark confines of the living room. Kajal was the trigger this time… in fact, ever since she had maneuvered her way into his mind, he had had emotional roller coasters which threw him off balance. He had punished himself a couple of times. But he had to halt because he had the condom ad shoot and couldn’t risk showing off his new injuries.

But he didn’t have any shoot where he had to bare his back anytime soon, and it was the right time to inflict some chastisement physically. His offense this time? He had been genuinely happy since last evening.

His ajji had only mentioned some woman coming over to visit them, and he had been planning his moves. He had developed cold feet and had wanted to get out of the marriage, fund money or not. His heart was stuck with Kajal, and until she stayed, there wouldn’t be room for anyone else. Of course, he didn’t deserve a pure and innocent soul like her, nor would he ever approach her.  He would watch her from a distance. Besides, all he had done was only put her off.

But he had seen Kajal seated next to his ajji the moment he had entered the room and all his plans went for a toss. He suddenly yearned for something… someone… he desired Kajal. She brought out all the dormant emotions, phallic and the contrary ones and he didn’t want that.

But at the same time, if he could think of anyone sharing his life for an entire year, it was Kajal. She had agreed as well, and all he wanted was to take her in his bedroom right there. He didn’t know since when he had turned into a horny maniac lusting after her.

He had judged that lady accompanying Kajal, and she seemed shrewd and conniving. He wasn’t surprised Kajal had agreed. The lady must have pressurized her and pulled strings for money. After their encounter the last morning, he had been happy and contented after ages as he had gone to bed last night.

And then he had the nightmare reminding him why he didn’t deserve to be happy. He was a murderer… his friend’s untimely deaths were on him. They had their lives snuffed out because he had been adamant. He should have died as well… As for that young girl that night… he didn’t even know who she was. Her identity was never known. And his grandfather had covered up everything. The police archives had only a mention of an accident in which all four had died.

Bottom line… this life was just something he had got ‘by chance’. He had no right to an iota of bliss… let alone marriage for love. As he was engulfed by grief threatening to drown him, he undressed right there and walked into his ‘room’ upstairs. As he got inside his special den, he walked to the assorted whips. He picked up his newest possession, a leather whip with a  glass handle. It was the perfect one for the Dom in him.

Tonight however, he was role-playing both the Dom and his Sub… He was the sub needing the severest of punishments.  He picked up a couple of nipple clamps and fastened them on his tits. These were the high-intensity ones with sharp edges, and they bit into his skin the moment he constricted his chest. Right then, he flogged himself, the pain increasing multifold with the clamping on his chest… He raised the frequency of hits till his hands ached and tears streamed down his stubble. Finally, he threw the whip down and removed the clamps, watching his bruised self in the mirrors facing each other, reflecting him numerous times.

He collapsed on the floor and took the fetal position coiling into himself as he sobbed… for his friends, for himself and that though he was sure he was in love with Kajal, he couldn’t do anything about it except make her despise him like he always did.

Kajal’s vision in that saree that brought out her curves in a delectable manner made him hard instantly. He walked to the attached bath and stood beneath the cold shower piercing his newly inflicted wounds, but nothing brought down his arousal.

Holding his shaft, he visualized Kajal on her haunches before him taking his manhood into the warmth of her mouth. Then, in the next moment, he roared, his hoarse cry echoing in the bathroom as he sprayed his release on the tiles as it got washed over by the infinite rivulets flowing from the shower.

Wiping himself, he flinched as the soft Turkish bath towel touched his lower back and glutes where he had just imprinted them with the whiplash literally!.

He walked painfully into his bedroom and threw himself into the softness of the mattress. It felt cold, just like his heart did… till it was lit by the smiling flames of the beautiful brown-eyed beauty. He was damned…

Two days later, he sat on the couch at ajji’s place, unable to take his eyes off Kajal. She was dressed in a bright pink georgette saree with a contrasting blouse. The choker set brought out the browns in her eyes. He wanted nothing more than to drown into their depths and stay there than to face the world and its turmoils. She looked up and caught him, and he immediately looked away.

He wanted to get done with the ceremony… he had a break for the next couple of days, after which he had back-to-back shootings for the ongoing series and a few ads. His backside burned, and he hoped to recover by the time the shoot began, and then there was a wedding to plan too.

Today he was to address the press also as planned by his lawyers and Shipra. But, if the news of his marriage had pissed her off, she didn’t show it. Instead, he couldn’t wait to see her reaction to seeing Kajal as his fiancé.

Only Kajal’s maami and her cousin Poonam had come from their side, and Kajal seemed confused and worried. The frown marred her pretty forehead, and he still had to prepare her for the upcoming press meet. Though the scribes were handpicked, he didn’t want to take a chance and leave her between the wolves. He knew how this world worked, but she didn’t, and he didn’t want to sacr her for life.

The rings were exchanged and soon maami and Poonam were dropped back to their home. He held Kajal’s cold hand and took her to his room. He made her sit on the massive poster bed while he latched the door and sat at a distance, probably surprising her.

“Uh… Kajal… there is something you should know…”

“Wait… KB sir… are you hurt?” She asked, and he instantly glanced at her. How on earth did she know. No one ever had found out ever… he had been cautious in hiding his injuries.

“NO… why do you ask?”

“Um… It just felt… you seemed to be in discomfort.” She spoke softly, those brown orbs dropping a bit of their sparkle, and his heart stopped.

“No… I am fine. First of all, stop calling me sir… Its just KB. And today I have to give a statement to the press… it’s a part of PR. So you will have to come along.”

She nodded and began to fidget with the end of the saree. She was undoubtedly sacred, especially after the last time.

“Look Kajal; you won’t be alone… I will handle it…Ok? Trust me. Just… come along and just to update you, so we are on the same page…uh… I have cooked upa  story about our uh… affair.”

She snapped up to look at him, and he stared at his clasped hands. For superstar KB everything was effortless, be it acting or modeling or giving a speech, addressing the notorious press… just about everything. But today cat had caught his tongue. He saw her fidget even more, and she had caught her upper lip between her teeth. Oh God… he was hard again. Who the hell was she? A walking Viagra?

Drawn to her, he went before her on his knees. He released her palm from her saree and looked up to see her still gripping her upper lip. She was going to be the death of him. He touched her lip, releasing it, and she widened her eyes.

“Kajal, just relax all right? I will handle everything. I will do all the talking, got it? I have cooked up some story, and the press can lap it up. So I want you to relax.”

He saw she had unconsciously gripped his palm and her breathing was rapid. He sat next to her on the bed and hesitated a bit but put an arm around her shoulder and held her close. To his surprise, she didn’t resist. Her head on his shoulder he inhaled her shampoo, which didn’t help the pressure building in his loins.

“Don’t worry Kajal, I will see this through.”

She nodded into his shoulder still gripping his palm and her trust touched him. He had been a douchebag, but she had put her life in his hands.

He was a goner and it was not just physical… there was something about her that kept him getting back to her. Forget one year; how was he going to resist her even for a night?

The lengths traversed, keeping away gratification he didn’t deserve

Life threw her in the ring, and the bout was filled with verve…

©priyagole

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